Why do things have to happen in our lives to "wake" us up and motivate us to do something? Why can't we just wake up in the morning and JUST DO IT? IT being exercising, eating healthy, making health choices, etc. I for one am not someone that is hard wired to want to go out and walk my miles and eat the right amount of nutrients without overindulging. Why is the "Path of Least Resistance" so easy to go down, while staying healthy so challenging?
I recently had another wake up call to BE HEALTHY. On Dec 12, my husband and I found out we were pregnant. It was not totally expected because I have been taking small steps to get healthier. Yet we were excited and happy that our family would be growing. I met with my primary care physician and she did scare me about all of the high risk issues this pregnancy presented. I had delivered my 3rd child at 26 weeks, plus I am diabetic and have high blood pressure. So armed with referrals to a high risk ob-gyn and endocrinologist, as well as lab tests, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed.
We did announce to our friends and co-workers on Dec 18 that we were expecting. Lots of love and congratulations poured in. Paul and I started thinking of baby names and all was good in the world.
On Sat Dec 22, we headed to a Filipino Christmas presentation at a friend's church. I had been feeling a heaviness in my abdomen, but didn't think too much of it since I had been resting at home all day. We enjoyed the beautiful presentation of English and Tagalog songs. I had gone to the restroom and had a little spotting. Once again, tried not to panic, and prayed. We sat down and enjoyed the company of fellow Filipinos we had just met. We left at 7:30 PM, but something did not feel right. I went to the restroom before we went to car and my fears escalated. I got out and told Paul we need to go to the ER right now. I saw the panic in his eyes as we tried to remain calm and put our daughter in her car seat. Then the cramps began.
We got to the hospital and had to wait a bit as we registered. We tried to keep Anastasia entertained. Poor Paul was so worried about me and was losing patience with our daughter. Racked by cramps, I continued to try to smile throughout and sing songs to her and play games.
They finally got me into a room and the tests, examinations, and ultrasound commenced. Thinking back, I saw the sympathy in the eyes of the nurses and the doctor. They really did work to make us as comfortable as possible. Anastasia scored stickers, a coloring book, and got to watch Disney channel as Paul and I waited anxiously for the results. Finally, the doctor came in and let us know that our little Ting had passed away in the womb and my body was doing what it was supposed to do release it. Shocked and saddened, I continued to paste a smile on my face. We got our post care instructions and prescription and headed home. Tears flowed intermittently and Paul and I just held hands. Asia fell asleep on the ride home, oblivious to the pain her parents were experiencing.
So I have received another painful wake up call to continue on my journey to being a healthier me. Honestly, I feel a bit angry that I must suffer another loss. Why can't I JUST DO IT? I know the answer is that I am a creature of habit and that I will take the easy way out if I have the opportunity. Yet I also know that I am very capable of change and achieving my goals. So as 2012 comes to a close, I have decided that 2013 will be the year that I get off all my medications for the health ailments that plague me. Those small steps to a healthier me will become leaps and bounds to get PHAT! So when the time comes for our little Ting to bless us again, I will be the Powerful, Healthy, Positive Attitude , and Tenacious mommy I am meant to be.
May 2013 bring you closer to your own goals and dreams! God Bless!
